I’ve never met someone who’s dated a nagger. Maybe that’s because nagging doesn’t exist in the dating world.

Nagging has always had a negative, somewhat humorous affection—until recently. Research has shown nagging to be a primary reason for relationship discord. To see something as simple as nagging be elevated to such a position is a big deal, especially for relationship experts, like me, who promote healthy relationships.

After all, we all nag. Even us professionals, who warn our clients about the perils of nagging. Once we’re done with our clients, we nag our spouses when we get home. In fact, we may be the worst nags because we know how to sneak it in, wrapped in sweetness.

I could write a book on how to nag, but I think it’s wiser to write about how not to nag and still feel like your partner is listening. This is, after all, why we nag. We nag because we aren’t sure our partner heard us the first time.

People who nag have a nag enabler at home, who has a keen sense of how to ignore the nagging. Watching the couple, you may surmise that the person being nagged enjoys it. He usually tunes it out, tells her angrily to stop nagging or withdraws. All of these excite the nagger, and actually produce more nagging.

What would stop the nagger dead in their tracks is to take their hand and say, “Honey, I heard you, and I will try to get that done as soon as I can.” The nagger would feel heard, loved and would let go of the request (naggers have long memories though, so you better make sure you follow through with the task).

The main reason nagging doesn’t happen with dating is because the person or people you date are not invested in you. They don’t really care. Most people won’t nag a person they don’t care about. Whether they’re nagging about your health, your lifestyle, your words, or whatever, the bottom line is they care about you.